You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
