What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
