My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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