I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
