The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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