He uses pillows to masturbate.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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