i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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