I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.