i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen