Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."