At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.