Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.