The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.