How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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