Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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