we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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