It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
