We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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