he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
