I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i will never coherently bang her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
