I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
