is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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