guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
