Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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