call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
