my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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