so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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