and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
