I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
