I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need moral support for this bender
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
