just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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