You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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