I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
