five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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