That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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