Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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