I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
