Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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