she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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