I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
