you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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