I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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