We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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