After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
