highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
