You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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