If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
