I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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