Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The best revenge is premature balding
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
