you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
