but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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