I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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