I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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