matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
