return my video game
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
