just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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