I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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