I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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