I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
