Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
