is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
