im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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