you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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