He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
