i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he thought i was a dude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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