please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
