my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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