And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
