I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
