don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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