That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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