Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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