; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
