i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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