Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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