i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
