can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
