Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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