i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
