i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
