Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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