He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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