guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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