So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
