Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
