if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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