I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
